20 THOUGHTS

Cholesteatoma: an abnormal collection of skin cells deep inside your ear. Ew. During my last semester of graduate school, I discovered a ball of abnormal tissue chilling out behind my eardrum, slowly attacking my naive baby ear bones. My surgeon was standing at the end of my bed, when I asked if he could take a video of the procedure. He chuckled, tapped my foot, and said, “I’ll see what I can do”, before walking out to prep for making one long incision behind my ear and digging his way to the ball of skin cells that were on a journey to my brain. Some lessons learned:

1. Listen to your body. If your ear is taking you to your primary care physician six times in several months, it could be a clue that there is something bigger than an infection hanging out in your middle ear. Listen to your body, and I am not just talking about your ears. No pun intended.
2. Self Care is important. I canceled my ENT appointment so I could make sure I saw my clients in Graduate school that one day. That gave my friend, cholesteatoma, one extra month to grow. After my surgery, I was informed I would need another surgery in 6 months to replace one of my ear bones that was destroyed. Did that extra month make the difference? I do not know. Very possible. Was risking complete and permanent hearing loss or an infection to my brain worth a 50 minute session teaching the /r/ sound? Absolutely not. I am aware how exaggerated I’m making self-care sound. But is it not that important in other situations too? Like taking a long bath after a hard day while your significant other watches the kids. I think it still is that important.
3. Laughing is great medicine. I already know I am funny. But having videos of myself telling the nurse about my Victoria’s Secret story after I wake up can make the darkest days just a little bit brighter for years to come. So you want to hear the Victoria’s Secret story? Okay I guess I got time. Picture this:
   • “So mom and I went to Victoria’s Secret to get my first real bra.” Because of course I could only feel like a real lady with a fancy Victoria’s Secret bra! “Of course I didn’t know what the hell I was doing and the lady there measured me…. incorrectly”. Besides the point. “Well I told her “I need the most comfortable bra ya got”. “I don’t like things touching me. (cue long pause) ……………..Like socks!
   • “You don’t like socks?”-nurse.
   • “I can tolerate them now but back then no. This woman looked me straight in the eye and she said “I’ve never had an uncomfortable bra before”.
   • “she lied.”- nurse.
   • “I thought are you f’n crazy? What do you mean you ain’t never had an uncomfortable bra? Now you’re just trying to sell your shit.”
   • “That’s right. Especially at Victoria’s Secret you damn well know that’s what she was doin.”
   • “oh yeah, but you know what pisses me off tho. Is they’re so damn expensive but it’s the only bra I can wear.”
   • “okay so you found one you like?”- nurse.
   • “well… ya. It’s still not fun”.
   • “You’re right but at least you have one that you like. It could be worse. You know what I’m saying?”- nurse
   • “Oh yeah.”
4. Bras will forever be uncomfortable.